Over the past several years, I have been often disgusted at the focus on gifts and gift giving. I have seen friends or family's satisfaction be directly related to the quality or quantity of gifts. I've listened to people carry on about what they are getting others as if it was a badge of honor and the judgment they've given you when you aren't doing the same.
It became nothing more than a grand production of purchasing for the sake of purchasing. Do we honestly need more things? Some justify it because they feel it's the "thought" that counts when you give a gift. Do we truly think that having more stuff means people love and care about you more? Should our affection and friendship be contingent upon what people give you during the holidays? Have we become that shallow?
Each year I felt sick to my stomach filled with anxiety over the feelings of guilt. Each year I fretted over buying for grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, co-workers, not to mention my children and the feelings of shame if I did not. Each year I dealt with "drama" if I didn't do what I was expected to do, despite the fact I wanted something different. Each year I had debt. When it reached the point of vulgarity, negative feelings and resentment, I made the decision to change directions. Was I risking upsetting others? Sure...but I had enough.
A friend of mine asked me to define holidays. If what I was doing wasn't satisfying, then what did I need to change? I could have blamed others or the media year after year. Or I could make the decision to be a bit different and take charge of my holidays.
When I asked myself those questions the word "traditions" came to mind. Traditions is a word that often is overlooked but I think is the vital part of creating a healthy childhood. When I was a child it wasn't the gifts I got that I remembered, but more the experiences I had with my family. From decorating the tree, to making Christmas cookies with my mother. It was listening to Christmas music on the huge stereo we had in the living room. It was still believing that Santa would come after we go to our grandparents house. Or drinking hot chocolate with a candy cane. It was the simple things that happened during the holidays that made me remember this special time.
So this year, we experienced the holiday season! Here's some of the things we've done during the month of December.
Made a gingerbread houses out of graham crackers
Drove around for hours looking at Christmas lights
Asked my children to collect their unused toys to donate to others who are in need
Sprinkled reindeer food all over the yard (glitter and oats)
Sang Christmas songs for the needy (caroling for coats) in the neighborhood
Sang songs in the car
Listened to Queen's Speech (a part of our family is from England)
Watched my son sing at a Christmas concert
Invited a friend over on Christmas Day to enjoy a nice meal as he did not have family here.
Although we aren't a religious household, we talked about what Christmas really is (birth of Jesus)
Stayed home!!
Did I buy presents? Sure... but for my children only. Did I make my children buy me a present? No. If they wanted to give, the choice was theirs. When they made that choice, I knew it was because they wanted to, not because someone told them they should. It was genuine and not manufactured by some external influence. The decorations they made on the tree and the cards they drew are more important than them spending useless money on things I probably don't even need.
As adults, gift giving wasn't a need. We knew we loved one another. We laughed, cried, and shared thoughts with one another over the past month. We weren't pretending. We truly enjoyed having the extra time together. No diamonds or an expensive gift was worth those moments of connection. Just having that was enough for me.
In result, giving my children moments of magical times and spending time with the ones I adore made this holiday season exactly what I wanted.
